This is one of my favourite parts of the ceremony.
You get to say to the person that you’re about to marry - what they mean to you, why you’re looking forward to marrying them, anything really. But the important thing is that you have written them, to say to that all important person, on the big day, in front of your loved ones.
It often gets pretty emotional here, so it’s worth putting in a bit of effort to choose or script vows that really pack a punch. They can be funny, serious, teasing – anything you want! Below are some tips to help you write those vows.
Share or Surprise?
Decide whether you’d like to write your vows together or keep them secret from each other until the ceremony. Either way works really well – just think about what works for you as a couple. If you do decide to keep them as a surprise, make sure you send them to me before the ceremony so I can make sure you’re both on the same wave length.
Structure and Length
If you do decide to write your vows separately, it’s a good idea to discuss number of lines, or a word count – to avoid one partner doing a mini thesis on love and life, while the other says just a handful of words! Many couples choose to start and end with the same line and then individually ‘fill the gaps’ in between.
Tone
Heartfelt and sentimental? Humorous, yet touching? Most couples end up going with a combo of both, just make sure you have a chat about how you want your vows to sound. Even though you will say your vows separately, they should sound like a balanced, harmonised entity – kind of like your relationship!
Brainstorm
Resist the urge to google! Get a blank piece of paper and write. Write about your relationship, your partner, and everything about them that makes you grateful, inspired and amazed. Let the words flow. Don’t worry about grammar or editing or spelling – just get your ideas down. Things to think about would be:
- Why you fell in love in the first place.
- What do you love about your partner/relationship
- What are some of their amazing qualities
- How do they make you a better person
- Think about what it is that makes you want to spend your life with this person.
- What do you want your marriage to ‘look’ like – what are you committing to be for one another.
- What do you want to promise to them
- Don’t forget to have fun with it
All of these apply to all weddings, regardless of size or setting.
Edit
Pick 5-10 points and use these as a starting point for each line. Write a first draft and then go back to it the next day. Cut out any words or phrases that don’t add any value. Aim to be succinct but sincere. Don’t waffle through your vows!
Be yourself
If ever there is a moment to just be ‘you’ – it’s saying your vows. Your partner loves you for you, so let your true self shine. Be brave, be bold and you’ll be surprised (and delighted) where the pen takes you.
A good structure generally is what you love about your partner, what you’re looking forward to in married life and then promises for the future.
By law you must start your vows by stating ….
‘I (state full name here),
call on the people here
To witness that I take you
(state full name here)
to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband/partner …’
Then follow with what you have written yourself.
It’s your moment, your wedding, your big day – so your vows, it’s really entirely up to you!